Monday, April 28, 2008

Need to laugh? Spend some time on Craigslist

I like to see what people are posting in the event services section on Craisglist as I've stumbled across a few gems (UCLA music students performing as a string quartet at affordable prices, etc) and today when I was browsing around I laughed out loud so many times. Maybe my funny bone is primed today? I don't know, but these cracked me up!!!

The Secret to a Fabulous Wedding (LA/National)

We are wedding coaches here to help the bride with the inner journey of the wedding planning, ceremony and beyond.. not just the outer circumstances.
We give brides specific techniques to help with wedding stress, overwhelm, bridal jitters, fears, and other emotions that come up during this special time of transformation from me to we..

Our new book "The Secret to a Fabulous Wedding" is a step by step guide with advice, techniques, stories, resources, tips for relaxation, weight loss, and inner and outer health, - How to be a relaxed & radiant bride. Bridezzilla NOT! Includes a wedding planner.

Enquire about our wedding coaching program and our self hypnosis CD's and MP3's for brides and grooms

Inner journey of wedding planning? Wedding Coaching Program? Self Hypnosis? Huh?

As seen on "the wedding date" , just better..

You need THAT someone special...
-do you want to impress your friends? -don't want to go by yourself?

-you need someone to come with you to that event you are looking for?
wedding/ business meeting/ or just tired of going out by yourself...?

-you want security escorting/driving you to the club to feel save at night?

-you need a personal assistance for your daytime?

-you need a personal trainer to join you at the gym?

-you need a (handsome, se*y) handyman for some maintaining jobs on your house, or car?

-life would just be so much easier for you with a male around?

I am your very handsome, cute (&very se*y) date. white, 36 m, 5'10, muscular, black hair, brown/green eyes, very clean, funny, decent, respectful, trust worthy, very good manners in every way, cute accent, good listener, dependable, great looking in suit or jeans... simply the right guy to feel good with.

Spoil yourself, why not, you deserve it... (contact me for details)

Please, tell me about you. Don't be shy.. You know that I am on your side.

Talk to you soon. Joe

Dude, Joe. How about you just post in the Men Seeking Women section like everyone else, hmmmm? Or did that not get you anywhere again? Your post is waaaaay skeevy. If you were as fabulous an se*y as your infomercial proclaims, you wouldn't be looking desperate on Craigslist. "Spoil yourself, why not, you deserve it" . Seriously?


Conscious Fairy Harpist Creates Value and Elevates Childrens Party (Los Angeles)
Help your children and their friends connect to a deeper wellspring of truth. Conscious Fairy godmother speaks a guides your child's imagination over Live harp music and creates an atmosphere of peace and fun.
Your child will come back to you with more than just a "sugar high".
Your fairy godmother is a licensed mental health professional.
Child will take home a tangible fairy gift that helps them remember the "journey" they experienced.
Adults in the party usually benefit and experience deep peace and joy.
Best for kids 5-10, but suitable for all ages.

A Conscious Fairy godmother that plays the harp? That is exactly what I was looking for! What do you wear? Fairy wings? And I love knowing that you are a licensed mental health professional--do you also do animal therapy? My cat Milton has been a bit depressed lately and I really think that a harp playing conscious fairy godmother would perk him right up.




Now this one, this one is too good to be true....

Funeral Services-Traveling Wailers, Proud & Loud
We will travel anywhere in the USA to proudly and loudly weep at your loved ones funeral. We are a troop of 8 people. Supply your own script or we will write one or will preform without one. We will even throw ourselves on the casket. Also fainting.
If your loved one had few friends-CALL US, Don't be afraid no one will show up at YOUR funeral and PRE-BOOK today. You will rule the graveyard with our old fashioned WAILING. Its time AMERICA to start Wailing for dead uncle Fred and let Proud & Loud Wailing wail for you.

Special $100.00 per wailer. full wailing service=4 hrs. 10-20% tip mandatory
Robert Patterson & The Wailers

Oh Rob. Rob, Rob, Rob. If I weren't already married, I would marry you right now. You melodramatic wake-loving soulmate of mine. How, how I ask, did you come up with this brilliant idea? Funerals ARE so totally sterile these days! Why didn't I think of this idea????? I would be soooo good wailing like a banshee at services all across America as well. When was the last time anybody saw a good old fashion display of teeth gnashing and hair tearing at a funeral? But Rob, honey....$100? For all across America? What about your travel fees? I really think you're on to something but I think you might be short changing yourself. At least you'll have a 10-20% mandatory tip. Do you think you're going to be busy in about......oh...50 years? Because I totally want to book you for the day that I peace out. I am going to have one wild Irish wake of a funeral. Can you wail with a brogue? Kisses!

No comments: